Encourage Family Agreements

Promoting Healthy Conversations

What can you do, in the few minutes you have, that might make a significant difference in the relationships between parent and teens? One simple technique for fostering communication is to promote Family Agreements.

Family agreements create a safe environment.

Agreeing on a standard and written set of communication agreements can create an environment that is safe, honest, and fair for everyone.

Think of the "agreements" you live by both professionally and personally, which may include:

• Mutual respect
• Maintain confidentiality
• No putdowns
• Right to pass
• Attentive listening
• Limiting distractions such as cell phones, radios, etc.

Can you imagine how family conversations and even family dynamics might change if parents and teens agreed to a set of rules before they began conversations about difficult issues?

Family agreements enhance honest dialogue.

Family agreements modeled after those listed above might look like:

• We agree to talk to each other with respect.
• We agree to take turns talking and listening.
• We agree not to tell others things shared in confidence.
• We agree to no putdowns or name calling, even when we get angry or frustrated.
• There will be no television, computers, and phones while we talk with each other.
• We agree to take a "cool down" break if one or both of us gets too upset to listen or talk calmly.
• We agree to appreciate each other.

Encourage families to develop their own agreements. You can provide them with a fill-in form that families can use to develop their agreements.

Family agreements support healthy communication.

Talk with teens and parents about how agreements like these can support healthy communication. What are some of the other agreements a parent might want to add to the list, especially when they talk about relationships and sex? One example you could provide is “There is no penalty for telling the truth.” You might want to encourage parents to specifically ask their teen what they might want to add.

Family agreements can help promote honest dialogue and active listening. Thus teens might not feel the need to stomp out of the room, because now they feel heard or valued. Parents’ frustration levels may drop because their teens are not playing video games during the conversation.

Although simple, this communication technique can have a positive impact on the communication between parent and child.